Lost Enough

For everyone who is feeling this at the moment, those who have yet to trod this path, with grateful thanks to those who have gone before and written their stories. Thank you, God, for leading me to where I'm lost enough to let myself be led.

You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardended by the hurt;
Do You remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said,
Still I’m so scared I’m holding my breath…
While You’re up there just playing hard to get...

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that’s not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then;
Did You ever know loneliness, Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on, and Your friends all fall asleep
And You don’t see the blood that’s running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You’re up there just playing hard to get?

And I know You bore our sorrows
I know You feel our pain
And I know that it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained;
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I have figured this out somehow
All I really need to know…

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time;
We can’t see what’s ahead
And we cannot get free of what we’ve left behind…
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret;
I can’t see how You’re leading me, unless You’ve led me here,
To where I’m lost enough to let myself be led…

And so, You’ve been here all along, I guess;
It’s just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get.