Well it’s been about a week now that I haven’t posted up just about anything written by me… some blog, right? I guess in the absence of original thoughts I cling to the words of those who have gone before. Someone said once that we read books to remind us that we are not alone, and I guess I’ve felt that way about some of the songs and essay recorded below.
The events of the last week – has it only been a week? I feel I have aged a year – I’ve done a lot of thinking about prayer. Have you ever had those mountaintops with God, when you feel you’re connected with His Word and are truly praying in His will? Those moments of clarity are so precious and rare, but I think God uses those times to quiet our hearts and remind us that He is in control. I know that in those times, God has reminded me on many occasions that there will be times when my perspective will skewed by the cares of this world and my own rampant emotions. I have prayed that during those seasons, God would as a loving Father protect me from myself. As much as we believers can focus on Him, sometimes all it takes is a single string of thoughts to led us down a destructive path… and though we willfully disobey Him at times, I am amazed by how faithfully He cares by saving me from myself. God hasn’t saved me from the heartache – not all of it – but He has spared me from making some very serious mistakes by His gracious hand.
The picture comes to mind from a book written by a wise woman who attends my old church in
Imagine the parent of a young child diagnosed with cancer. The little one is too young to understand the disease or its devastating capabilities; she cannot understand why her parents make her go through the machines and medicines that make her feel sick. Yet her mother holds her down, probably weeping herself, assuring her child that she is loved and it will all be alright soon. The child has little concept of what a future of “okay” could be like; she has never experienced it during her conscious existence. But with the gravity of the situation in mind and the end goal in sight, a parent can subject their child to seeming torture, not because the child has done anything wrong, but because they don’t have the entire picture or the means to help themselves.
And so it is with God. He has the eternal scope, while all I can see is the discomfort of my current state. But even this spiritual chemotherapy has a purpose and leads to something I cannot yet see. A friend recently reminded me, “nothing is for nothing in God’s economy.” May I adjust my accounting mechanisms from my happiness to His holiness.
The following is a song I wrote the other night as a reflection of these truths. It is good to remember that we are truly blessed when God answers “no” to some prayers… and that He never refuses a request made in His will.
That is a pretty amazing thing.
My heart in pieces on the floor
Can’t help but think I’ve been here before
How did I get here? I don’t recall how,
You’d think that I’d have learned by now
What can be done for this wayward child
Whose outside is calm but heart too wild
Left lonely on my own stubborn accord
I can call no one but You, my Lord;
Though it seems You’ve veiled the stars to me
You’re preparing my eyes to truly see
When it seems only darkness can abound
It’s in this lostness I am found
Help me in these moments when
When I wonder if You’re there
That this painful providence
Is the answer to a prayer
Wherever You led and I would follow
I asked for strength that was greater than me,
You took my hand so patiently
I don’t know how between now and then
I forgot all the places I have been
With all my Ebenezers left behind
Will you my weary soul remind?
Though it seems You’ve veiled the stars to me
You’re preparing my eyes to truly see
When it seems only darkness can abound
It’s in this lostness I am found
When I can’t see past this passing pain
And wonder if You even care
That this painful providence
Is the answer to a prayer
I know this moment will not last
This communion with You goes too fast
But it’s here that I can truly hope
And I can do more in life than simply cope
What can I do but offer my praise?
Before they begin, you ordain my days
Forgive my doubt when I don’t understand
I surrender myself once again to Your hand
Your love is preparing my eyes to see
When it seems only darkness can abound
It’s in this lostness I am found
So long as faith can be called faith,
Till Your holy presence I share,
Even in painful providence
Is the answer to a prayer
4 comments:
Thanks for posting that, Treasure...
Leeann, just to let you know, Sarah just called you and Allis "bad people" - I have logs to prove it. To further the outrage, she indicated that she didn't care about how you would feel if I told you. I suggest talking to her about her problems.
Thank you for sharing, Derby... and thank you for assuring me that these are HER problems, not my own. ;) You and your people need to let Sarah go to sleep sooner... I might have to take IM off her computer or something...
Derby, Derby - you said you knew me...oh, well...I think you are lacking in the education on my method of teasing Leeann and Allis. When I say "bad people" there is a lot of background that goes into my comment, which cannot even begin to be described on a blog. It also is also just such a complete opposite of who they are that I would have thought the comment would be realized for its sarcasm.
I did not care what they thought about my comment because I knew they would be able to decipher my intent.
I am sorry to have concerned you with my mere expression (albeit convoluted) of love and deepest care for Allis and Leeann.
Now, the person who should be offended through all this is actually me - for I was just called a person with problems. Maybe we need to work this out Derby - I think the best mode of reconciliation is for you to donate to the noble cause of SPL Relief.
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