An Ode to Undeserved Friendships

We never appreciate the people God places in our lives nearly enough, especially at the time He is using them the most. Scripture calls it “iron sharpening iron,” and as I am now fond of saying, that causes a lot of sparks to fly, a lot of unpleasant noise, but isn’t that the strange feeling of Him working all for good?

I’m completely surrounded by people whom I am amazed by simply because they put up with me. And I’m even starting to get an idea of what it is like to have siblings, silly as it may sound. I’ve just not known many people long and deep enough to have that sort of relationship. But with some people I think I’m getting there. For example, a couple weeks ago Allis said something to me that came across as very sharp – I can’t remember even what it was, but I remember the tone – and I couldn’t understand it. But it happened again last week, and I realized something – it’s the same sort of interaction I’ve seen her have with her sisters (the few times I’ve seen them together) when she’s giving them loving correction. She uses the tone because she knows it’s what it takes to get across that duel purpose of love and reprimand. And now I realize it’s not meanness; au contraire, it’s the very essence of Christian fellowship. I’m almost a real sister, and that is so cool. Our interaction is predicated on the fact that we both love God and care about each other. What do we need more than that?

That is how so many friendships start, but too few friendships stay or return there. And that is a tragedy.

I am also struck by how some of my friends, by God’s grace, don’t let me forget who I am. In so many ways, I’ve been trying to kill some of my dreams for the future in the name of practicality and contentment, so I can be happy just doing my job and not thinking anything will ever change. So I can lull myself into a reality that’s so far short of what I want deep down inside. I am humbled that I have friends who will call me out on that, and not let me give up, and give me a glimpse of what I used to be able to see so clearly. For the people who’ve told me, even before I needed to hear it, that I would “see the sun again.” They know I’m far from perfect, but they know I don’t want to give up, even when I say I do. Friends who either by action or by word have told me to not give up, that miracles are still possible. There have been times I said I didn’t want to hear it, but there’s that something deep inside my heart saying, Yes, listen to them. There’s a reason this hurts, it’s because it’s something so central to who you are and to who God created you to be, that any battle dealing with it will be inherently painful. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for.

It’s little things like me turning to Allis and Sarah (or IMing Cassidy) after watching National Treasure tonight and saying with my overenthused I-just-watched-a-movie-I-really-liked voice and say, “I just need to find someone like Ben Gates [Nicholas Cage’s dashing, brave, exciting, Han-Solo-esque character]!!!” They don’t just roll their eyes and shake their head, though they may do that too. But they recognize that I want adventure and excitement in life, that I cannot stand idly by forever. And the crazy thing is, I don’t think they think there’s anything wrong with that.

I’ve also appreciated how people have pointed out to me when I start complaining about my job that I would be going crazy in a true bureaucratic position, feeling that I wasn’t making a real difference in people’s lives, and that me having a 9-to-5 for the sake of having a 9-to-5 would leave me searching in the why-am-I-here sort of way. Yes, I am tired a lot because I pour so much into my job. But would I really be happy any other way?

To the people to have reminded me that the answer to that question is a resounding no, thank you.

And to those I share inside jokes with, thank you for brightening my life by remembering the little things. To those who put up with reading my writing (and feel like they can’t ever say “no” to a “do you want to read this thing I just wrote??”), thank you. To those who share their own writing and talk about it with me, thank you for making me feel like I am somehow a part of a literary community. Brothers and sisters in Christ, thank you for reminding me to run to the Cross and reflecting by His sovereign grace His love. I’m trying to learn by your example and somehow be the friend you have been to me. All glory to God for His grace and work in your lives, and mine.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10