Really?

Jesus desires that we would be very specific in our requests, asking for something definite. ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ (Matthew 20:32) is the question He asks everyone who comes to Him during trials and affliction. Make your requests earnestly and specifically, if you desire definite answers. It is the aimlessness of prayer that accounts for so many seemingly unanswered prayers. Be specific in your petitions… dare to be specific with God. ~Streams in the Desert

Given my efforts to cultivate a more vital prayer life this year, I’ve been interested to read all I can about prayer. Mind you, I haven’t read nearly enough; I know there is a plethora of great material available (beginning with, and most importantly, Scripture). But when I came across this passage in my lunchtime reading today, a familiar discomfort made my stomach turn and my eyes dart away from the book in my hands. And the same old word, posed as an inquisition, comes to mind.
Really?
The voice isn’t that of outright skepticism. It is quiet, weak, as if from a beleaguered traveler or a timid child. It reminds me of instances when I was specific with God, and… well… didn’t get the answer I wanted. Do not test the Lord your God, the voice says – quoting Scripture, mingled with its own commentary – you know what has come of it before.
But it is a masquerade. Under the guise of frustrated hopes, Doubt has festered, unchecked. Its cloaked form periodically emerges and speaks its insidious poison to my soul. I remember this truth as I read on:

Every year I live – in fact, nearly every day – I seem to see more clearly how all the peace, happiness, and power of the Christian life hinges on one thing. That one thing is taking God at His Word, believing He really means exactly what He says, and accepting the very words that reveal His goodness and grace. ~Frances Ridley Havergal

Faith. Belief. It sounds so easy on paper, but the longer I walk The Way, the more I see that Frances’ statement is the crux of living in this world while our citizenship is in the next. When I believe that what God has said about Himself is true, then I act on true Reality and will interact with Him and this world rightly. It is only when I buy into this world’s lies, even in part, I don’t. I can’t, because I’m treating the temporal as eternal and vice versa.
Reading and learning about prayer and other disciplines is well and good. But I’m finding that the real battle, the fundamental struggle, is knowing and believing God in a life-defining way. It may take a lifetime to learn, but He has promised His grace is sufficient. And that’s a pretty amazing starting point for the journey.