Newish Year Revelations

Five days into the New Year, I am making some progress on my resolutions.

I bought a keyboard to help me keep up my piano skills. I’ve signed up for ballroom dance lessons in February (and Sarah’s going to take them with me – yay!). For the most part, I have been getting myself to bed at a more reasonable hour, and my body has been glad for the rest. Pretty soon I’ll mosey down to the library to get a few of the Narnia books to reread. In the interim, I have a fun new book on the beginnings of American journalism, Infamous Scribblers – thanks to Tee’s thoughtfulness :)

But before I congratulate myself too much on my efforts to engage my mind in extracurricular activities – i.e. giving myself things to do outside of work – I am reminded of the fact that right priorities do not come naturally. In thinking through what I’d like to do this year, spending more time in the Word certainly came up – but what if I put it in context of how much time I spend doing the things I am more naturally inclined to do? What if I decided to spend as much time reading the Bible as C.S. Lewis this year? Or as much time in the Word as I spend venting through lengthy blog posts?

Accomplishing goals is important, but I have already been reminded anew this year that such undertakings are only as worthy as the end itself. Three years into work on the Hill (this month is my “anniversary”), I find myself ready to make excuses – my mind needs a break, I just need to veg, don’t I deserve some “me” time?

Well, perhaps, but if I knew what was best for me – which I tend not to do – I would engage in more activities that fed my soul instead of simply distracting my mind. I’m not saying I don’t think God wants me to take dancing lessons; I’m just convicted by how my natural inclinations reveal my heart.

Would that I had eyes to see and ears to hear so my knee-jerk desires would simply fade in the ever-brightening glow of God’s goodness. But the truth is, nothing is ever easy. And it’s not supposed to be in a fallen world. If we didn’t feel insufficient, we would be diluted into thinking we were wise or in control. It’s a healthy reminder that repentance is truly a gift, and spiritual development – whether conversion or the growth of a seasoned sinner-saint – is not the result of external conditions made “just right,” or somehow mustering up a wanting to do the right thing enough that you actually do it. The reality in which God works in each of us is the most basic: it’s between His heart and ours. As much as we may want to change our own hearts, only He has the power and wisdom to do it. All He asks of us is the humility to give Him that authority in our lives.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it – until we put it in terms of surrender, which we’re conditioned to believe means loss. What army ever surrendered only to be declared the winner? No one wants to be a loser. The difference is a heart with the understanding that only One is the Champion and deserves the praise and recognition we spend 99 percent of the time seeking for ourselves.

Oh, for that humility.

Happy New Year, fellow pilgrims.

~~~~
Not long after writing this post, I turned on some old music and rediscovered this song, “given” to me by Kelly many moons ago. I thought it pertinent enough to post.

Remember surrender, remember the rest
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was

Remember surrender, remember relief
Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks
As the warmth of a Heavenly Father came closing in

I want to do that again, why can't I live there
And make my home in sweet surrender?
I want to do so much more than remember…