“Time does not go backward.”

And there is no cycle – not really. It’s linear, and the line goes up and goes down and is a product of all the points it hit along the way.

So you remember the place you used to live, and realize how much you’ve come to love the apartment that has now been home for a year. Reflect on the bitterness that coloured days, months, even years, made you feel outside, and the following resolve to do better – wish makes you relish the freedom of a grace that is more than a second chance.

A year ago today, I spent the morning answering angry constituent calls (about the bailout. Remember when that was “the” issue?) and stole away for a quiet lunch with Allis. After that, I went back to the business of being a bridesmaid, but was harried, frazzled, fearful, emotional. You’d think you’d get better with practice at something like that – and I have had practice – but it doesn’t exactly work that way. I had my moments of clarity, of joy… I just wish I had pursued them more.

Today is much different. Work has been humming, but quietly. I am preparing for another wedding, but one that I hope to spend in a spirit of celebration, the freedom that comes from true rejoicing in the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. I’ll be a year older, too, which I am less than thrilled about but willing to live with. After all, despite my tendency to callously mutter at the heavens, demanding to know what will make this year different, it will be. It must be. And with God, all things – even the things I am honestly scared to death of hoping for – are possible.

"Among times there is a time that turns a corner and everything this side of it is new; time does not go backward." ~ C.S. Lewis, Perelandra